Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

April 26, 2018 Edition

Maine community creates massive ice carousel on frozen lake                                   Associated Press •April 7, 2018
SINCLAIR, Maine (AP) — Residents in a Maine town believe they’ve created the world’s largest ice carousel on a frozen lake.
About 100 volunteers cut a circle in the ice that’s 427 feet (130 meters) in diameter, and they used four outboard boat motors to get it rotating on Saturday. It happened in Sinclair in northern Maine.
Mike Cyr, one of the organizers, announced, “we got ‘er spinning!”
He says the ice carousel is big enough to break the world record held by a town in Finland. A surveying team confirmed the measurements on Saturday.
Volunteers used augurs to bore more than 1,300 holes, along with chain saws and other equipment, to cut the massive hole in lake ice that was 30 inches thick. They waited for warmer weather to get it spinning.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “And he thought a carousel had plastic ponies and played elevator music.”

 

Help wanted: Nudist campground searching for a lifeguard                                       Associated Press•March 29, 2018
FOSTER, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island nudist campground is looking for a lifeguard, and the uniform is cheap: nothing.
The Providence Journal reports Dyer Woods Nudist Campgrounds’ help wanted notice for a lifeguard this summer says qualified candidates must have “excellent communication skills” and the ability to “work as part of a team.”
Campground president Jim Johnson says the lifeguard can wear a swimsuit but it’s not necessary.
The campground offers swimming, hiking, volleyball and a sauna for people who aren’t afraid to bare it all.
Johnson says there’s “really no difference” between the Dyer Woods camp in Foster and a regular campground. He says “it’s a family campground and people just show up to relax.”
Johnson says once people try going au naturel in nature they’ll “fall in love with it.”

WOEFULTOURIST says, “So if you want to get an all over tan, while getting paid for the privilege, this job may be right up your alley.”

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Malaga, Spain

Malaga harbor

 

WOEFULTOURIST decided that he needed to include some important beach time, in addition to his typical cultural immersion, for a vacation and so opted to travel to the Costa del Sol (Sun Coast) in Spain to accomplish both needs in one fell swoop.

Now WOEFULTOURIST could lie and tell you that he decided to stay in Malaga instead of any of the other possible locations in the Costa del Sol because it was the largest city in the area, thereby affording him more social and cultural possibilities than his other options.

Or he could lie and tell you that he chose it because it was the most central location in the whole area from which to best take advantage of all that the Costa del Sol had to offer.

Or he could lie and tell you that the decision was based upon the fact that it was the last stop on the train from the plane and so made it that much more difficult for him to get lost.

But on this occasion, WOEFULTOURIST opts not to lie, but instead live with the dangerous truth.  Because the truth is that he chose Malaga because of physics.  Probability.  Literally the flip of a coin.  It came up tails and so Malaga it was.

Had WOEFULTOURIST actually taken the train from the plane to the last stop on the line, he would have gotten to his hotel in record time, while incurring no problems along the way at all.

Unfortunately, and for reasons never fully explained to him, the train from the plane had two stops marked Malaga.  Not knowing which one was the best one for him, WOEFULTOURIST panicked and picked the first one.  Wrong, again.

Finding himself lost in a lost world, WOEFULTOURIST stopped a local and asked for directions.  Sadly, none of the locals he stopped spoke even rudimentary English..

After a half hour of walking around in trapezoids, WOEFULTOURIST magically found himself facing what should have been the answer to his prayers – an Information Booth.

Apparently, with more and more tourists flocking into Andalusia every day, the powers that be decided it was important to provide places for tourists to go to in order to get valuable travel information to make their stays that much more enjoyable.

So WOEFULTOURIST went up to the booth and asked the two young women, in English of course, directions to his hotel.  They were perplexed.  First they looked at him.  Then at each other.  Then back to him.

“No habla ingles!”

He couldn’t believe his eyes.  How could a tourist information booth not be staffed by people who spoke English?  It was absurd!  It was ridiculous!  It should be illegal?!

But then an odd hint of recognition took hold in him.  An obscure phrase entered into his subconscious.  A trivial bit of information took form.  It was a highly unlikely possibility, still it was worth exploring if for no other reason than that he had very few options available to him.

So he spoke the only phrase that he knew in German, “Sprecken zie English?”

The two girls, again, looked at him as if he had two heads, before the giggling returned.

A broad smile appeared on his face.  WOEFULTOURIST had heard rumors of tourist entities in Spain that were equal opportunity despisers of anyone who didn’t speak Spanish.  And not just any Spanish, mind you, but the specific local Spanish dialect of that particular region.

Up until then, WOEFULTOURIST thought it was all just an urban legend.  Now he knew that it was true.  And it made him feel proud, in some strange, perverse way to be one of the lucky ones who got to experience such arrogance up close and personal.

While he knew the answer even before he asked, WOEFULTOURIST was compelled to ask anyway.  So he pulled out the piece of paper with the name and address of his hotel on it and pointed to the document while he asked, “Close by?”

The two girls looked at each other, then burst out into serious laughter, before turning their backs completely on him as they re-focused their attention on the condition of their brightly polished fingernails.

“Yep, no doubt about it!”  WOEFULTOURIST said to no one who could possibly understand him.  Still, it made him pleased as punch to realize that in the first hours of his first trip to Spain, he had already managed to experience something he thought only existed as hype on the internet.

That information WOEFULTOURIST took to mean that this trip to Spain was going to be one for the record books.

 

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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

May 24, 2018 Edition

Posted in General Travel | Leave a comment

Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

April 24, 2018 Edition

Zoo offering visitors buckets of ‘Detroit Zoo Poo’
Apr 3, 2018

ROYAL OAK, Mich. (AP) — Some visitors to the Detroit Zoo will soon be able to add animal droppings to their souvenir list.

Free buckets of 5 pounds (2.3 kilograms) of animal manure, dubbed Detroit Zoo Poo, will be handed out on April 14 as part of the zoo’s GreenFest celebration. The event precedes Earth Day and will showcase how the zoo recycles waste.

Buckets will be available to the first 1,000 visitors to the zoo’s anaerobic digester educational display.

The digester converts 500 tons of animal manure and other organic waste each year into methane-rich gas to help power the zoo’s animal hospital. Nutrient-rich fertilizer is a byproduct. The zoo notes the compost “is great for putting in your garden.”

GreenFest is part of the Detroit Zoological Society’s effort to improve green practices and facilities at the zoo in Royal Oak, north of Detroit.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Now, instead of putting a tiger in your tank, you can put tiger poop in your garden.”

 

Orange snow? Rare meeting of Siberia, Sahara over Europe
Mar 26, 2018

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Orange snow has fallen in parts of eastern Europe after a rare meeting of Siberia and the Sahara.

Meteorologists say the snow from Siberia collided with dust-filled wind from the Sahara desert in Africa.

The orange snow has been spotted on mountains in Russia’s Sochi region, farther east in Georgia’s Adzharia region and at Romania’s Danube port of Galati.

Some skiers have posted photos on social media joking that they were on Mars, not a mountain.

Romanian meteorologist Mia Mirabela Stamate says a wind carrying sand particles from the Sahara met with a massive snowfall on Friday. She predicts that the orange-hued snow will move eastward.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Since you’re not supposed to eat yellow snow, he’s assuming the same holds true for the orange stuff.”

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The American Dream

If you're banking realtor, you may be barking up the wrong tree

If you’re banking on your realtor, you may be barking up the wrong tree

 

WOEFULTOURIST would like to spend a few moments talking about his recent experience dealing with the American Dream

For those of his readers who may not be from America he suggests you visit asap, or at least before Donald Trump builds a wall around this fine nation so as to keep you all out.

Now to avoid some confusion (but not all since that would take the fun out of things) WOEFULTOURIST feels it necessary to explain to those who need it, exactly what the American Dream is by telling you what it is not.

It is not to sleep with a Hollywood hunk/ette –  that would actually be the definition of the American Wet Dream.

And no, it is not to have your own reality show where the world could watch you and your dysfunctional family be dysfunctional and get paid millions of dollars for the privilege – that would actually be the definition of the American Nightmare.

Actually, the American Dream has been, for as long as most folks can remember,  to be able to own your own house  and not have to live with your parents who have no sense of humor when it comes to picking up your clothes, making your bed, or taking out the trash.

As for paying rent – unh, sorry, no comprende.

Owning a house has been so migrained into the psyche of American culture that not even triple strength Advil will relieve the pounding of the construction on the new housing development down the block.

Now it had been a long time since WOEFULTOURIST had the joy of being part of the home buying/selling equation, so when the opportunity arrived, he jumped at it.

Missed.

Got up.

Missed again and just sat there like a bump on a log (a big one) until help arrived.

As for helping his friend who was selling his house, all WOEFULTOLURIST can say is that technology has been a game changer – so please change it back.

Or come up with a new game.

Because realtors – those people who get paid a commission to sell your house for you since you can’t pay a commission to yourself – aint what they used to be.

In the old days, your realtor actually did work.

Today, if WOEFULTOURIST’S limited experience counts for anything – (which is always highly debatable) it seems that all realtors do is take your information, plug it into a pdf file on their computer, upload it to the real estate website and wait for potential buyers to arrive like the eleventh plague.

Aside from being the go between from other realtors with clients looking for houses and you, there doesn’t appear to be much work that realtors actually do.

In the old days, your realtor also looked and acted in a professional manner.

Today,  when they tell you they’ll meet you at your house between 3 and 330, that’s a recommendation, not a “hold me to it” time to expect them to be there.

And if they actually opt to do the right thing and inform you that they are cancelling, the current industry standard is to call, or text, half an hour after the actual appointment time.

Because courtesy aint what it used to be, either.

Then again, (then) they’re under a lot of stress and can’t be expected to be pro-active in their actions.

As for proper dress code, there doesn’t’ appear to be one.  So when the group of people exit the minivan to look at your house, the guy with the dirty shirt hanging out of his pants is not necessarily the harried Dad who just got out of work.

It may be his realtor.

So while one would have thought that technology would have made it easier for realtors to be more professional – one would be very, very, very wrong.

In fact, it appears that the more technology they have available to them, the less prone they are to actually use it.

So be prepared, ladies and gentleman.

Because these days whether you email, text, or use your cellphone to leave a message for your realtor – don’t expect a timely response.

After all, they’re not there to get your house sold for the best price and deal for you – they’re in it to make money for them.

And since technology does the work for them, they now have more time to do less and earn more, as a consequence.

So stop your belly-aching, take some Pepto, and clean up your room by throwing all of your dirty clothes into one of the dresser drawers. There’s a showing in half an hour – that’s if the potential buyers bother to show up.

And it doesn’t really matter because the realtors, regardless of how they’re dressed, still get paid for the privilege.

 

 

 

 

 

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