WOEFULTOURIST is old enough to remember a time in America when “good” was good enough.
No one needed fancy titles, or ingredients to make a statement.
You just provided “good” stuff.
And the public was happy with that.
But somewhere along the way, things changed.
Like vodka, a perfectly fine American alcohol.
Time was when vodka was vodka.
It was good.
It was cheap.
It was the perfect alcohol for just about any thing you wanted to mix with it.
Then, everything changed.
Suddenly perfectly good vodka wasn’t “good” enough.
Only high end vodka would do.
Quadruple the price.
But Americans being what they are, even that wasn’t “good” enough.
Such that, plain vodka, no matter how top shelf good it may have been, wasn’t “good enough”.
Not only did it need more, it needed that “more” already included in the bottle.
It was just too much to ask the young consumer to add stuff after the fact.
Which brought on the plethora of flavored vodkas.
Lemon (sometimes spelled “limon” ostensibly because the regular spelling wasn’t “good” enough).
Mandarin (because orange obviously wasn’t “good” enough).
Which was followed by flavored alcohol of every type, including (heaven help him) buorbon.
As one might have imagined, the “good isn’t good enough” mantra didn’t just involve alcohol.
It migrated into every aspect of American life.
From decorating your house for Christmas.
To having people over for barbecue.
It all had to be bigger than average, with more accessories than just “good”.
Which inevitably trickled down to every aspect of human existence, including weddings.
Like most people, WOEFULTOURIST never really liked weddings, even when they were relatively simple things.
The bride wore white, the groom wore a black tuxedo and the church organist played “Here Comes the Bride” as she entered the building. After the official ceremony, the bride and groom kissed and as they exited the building guests threw rice at the happy couple as they ran to the limo to take them to the local VFW Hall for the reception.
Nowadays WOEFULTOURIST would rather have a root canal than go to a wedding.
Fact is, since everything has changed so much, he doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to do, or not.
Rice is definitely out, as apparently are most types of hops, rye and soda.
Tin cans are no longer tied to the bumper of the limo, and don’t even think of using shaving cream to spell out “just married “on the trunk lid.
The wedding photographer has been replaced by the wedding videographer since pictures are yesterday’s news.
And nowadays, both the bachelor/ette party and the wedding itself are more likely to be held at a “destination” than in a nearby town that’s convenient for family and friends to get to.
That’s right, renting a limo and going to a local strip club for the bachelor/ette party is no longer “good” enough.
Now, you have to rent a limo and go to a strip club in Vegas.
Or New Orleans.
Or Key West.
Apparently the out of town strippers are way better than the foreignors to be found at local strip clubs.
As for the wedding, well the current thinking by the wedding party is that if the parents are going to spend fifty thousand dollars on the wedding, it might as be at a destination that’s inconvenient for everyone, but for which the bride and groom will constantly pinch themselves while giggling obnoxiously, because the selfies are to die for.
The fact that only a tenth of the people invited actually made it, almost all of them being family, or members of the wedding party, doesn’t really matter.
Neither does the cost, since the bride and groom aren’t the ones paying the bill.
Nope, these days, what matters is bragging rights.
And having a destination wedding on a tropical island, especially one so exclusive that most people have never even heard of it, that is before the hurricaine came through and wiped out most evidence of civilization there (including their wedding venue) is about as high up on the status pole as one can get.
That is, until the next generation comes along and moves the bar even higher, to more stratospheric heights.
Can you say “space station”.
All because when push comes to shove, and the good get going, “good”just isn’t “good enough”, any more.