European Sports Bars

Neon beer signs in the window, juke box all lit up and American football on the telly. Now that's an American sports bar for you.

Neon beer signs in the window, juke box all lit up and American football on every telly. Now that’s an American sports bar for you.


What happens when the Amsterdam sports bar WOEFULTOURIST happens to be drinking in decides to turn into a eurotrash dance party?

Why WOEFULTOURIST leaves, of course.

But that’s a story for another day.

As is the gay dude who decided that everyone needed to see him shake his groove thing so he jumped up on the bar and started to gyrate that groove thing.  Managing not to break any glasses, or hit his head on the ceiling during the process.

Which WOEFULTOURIST was somewhat amazed at.

And while he cannot in good conscience congratulate the male dancer for such gyrational activity in a sports bar (he was probably a trained professional taking a night off from his national tour) WOEFULTOURIST nevertheless can applaud his ability not to fall and break things, including body parts, when standing on bars while consuming alcoholic beverages, since he has some experience on the “inability” side.

Rather, it made WOEFULTOURIST appreciate the pure pleasure of the sports bar experience he has come to know and love in America.

Because when the sports bar idea immigrated to Europe, some papers (possibly a book, maybe even a bootleg dvd) got lost in the journey.

More likely it got confiscated by customs.

Which is the only reason WOEFULTOURIST can come up with to explain the disparity between American and European sports bars.

In Europe, the bar part of the sports bar has shrunk to minimal proportions.

For some reason, Europeans don’t find it homey, or comfortable to literally sit at the bar and watch sports.

Instead, they prefer to sit and drink at little tables (some of which are located outside, thus allowing them to check out babes walking past and fail miserably to impress them – which actually isn’t that much different from sports bars in America, come to think of it.)

But getting back to the differences.

The sports that they show in sports bars in Europe are completely different than what they show in the States.

Soccer and rugby are fine sports for Europeans, but where’s the baseball?

Where’s the “American” football?

Where’s the NBA?

No, in Europe you get to watch a bunch of guys race around in souped-up vehicles around a track as everyone secretly hopes they get into horrific looking crashes that hopefully don’t result in serious injury to the drivers, but look really cool in slow motion replay.

Come to think of it, kind of like the relationship Americans have with NASCAR.

But back to the most important difference of all.

They don’t show American sports “live” in European sports bars?

Don’t give WOEFULTOURIST the lame excuse of a 6 to 7 hour time difference as the source of the problem.

You can’t tell WOEFULTOURIST that there isn’t some simple, high tech solution to something as important to civilization as showing live American sports in American style sports bars in Europe.

Rather, WOEFULTOURIST chooses to believe that it’s probably the commies causing problems, yet again.

“Hey Vladimir, the Cold War is over.  You lost.  Get over it.”

WOEFULTOURIST needs his American football fix, even when he’s in Europe all the news media can focus on is the that the Russkys have decided to go back in time and try to win the Cold War, the second time around

So, Vlad, Igor and the rest of the boys –  take a chill pill with your hourly shot of vodka, kick back with some pickled herring and watch the greatest game ever invented by an American, like the rest of the civilized world.


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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

April 19, 2018 Edition

Should have done feta: Brighton cheese festival runs out of… cheese
By Andy Hayes, News Reporter / Monday, 05, March, 2018

Ticket holders are demanding a refund after a Brighton cheese festival ran out of its main ingredient.

The Big Cheese Festival, held on Saturday, fell at the final curdle with organisers blaming “adverse weather conditions” for the shortage.

Ticket holders had been promised a “plethora of the finest international cheesemakers and mongers showcasing their amazing cheeses”.

But disruption caused by the cold snap across the UK meant they were left disappointed.

“BRIE warned”, Rachael Chadwick wrote on Twitter, adding that the organisers needed to “tread CAERPHILLY” and should have “done FETA”.

She reckoned there was “more cheese in this tweet than there was at the festival”.

In addition to the cheese and “R and Brie” music, “craft beers, liquor and wine” were also promised.

But the alcohol appears to have missed the mark too, with Helen Chapman writing: “Where is the craft beer? Since when is Bud and Stella craft!?!?!”

In a statement on Facebook, organisers said they were “just as disappointed as yourselves that the event was disrupted by the adverse weather conditions”.

They added that they take “great pride” in their work and have run “many successful events previously”.

It is not the first time that a cheese festival in Brighton has run out. People claimed they faced 90-minute queues at another event last August.

Anyone that wishes to complain has until 3pm on 11 March to do so. Complaints will be “taken into account and actioned accordingly”.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “It seems that Brighton is known for its’ non-cheese, cheese festivals.”


It’s International Day of Happiness but Britons say there’s little to smile about because of weather, rudeness, queues and litter.
skynews / Tuesday, 20 March, 2018

Many Britons are finding it difficult to be happy in Britain

Most Britons are not happy to be living in their own country and are open to an overseas move, according to research.

Just 29% of Britons think the UK is a happy place to live and 58% would be happy to move abroad in search of happiness.

The low level of joy among Britons has been uncovered in time for International Day of Happiness, which is marked on 20 March each year.

So what is it about Britain that makes Britons so miserable?

Well, six out of 10 blamed rudeness and 53% blamed the weather.

Other choices were queues (25%), litter (34%) and, strangely enough, moaners (43%).

The state of politics (41%) was also a popular choice as a cause of everyday unhappiness.

According to the research by Swiss herb drop manufacturer Ricola, Britons cope with their unhappiness through music (47%), family time (44%) and TV (44%).

Some 31% turn to sugar, while 24% use exercise.

According to a UN study last week, the world’s happiest place is Finland and Burundi is the least happy.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Maybe if the 58% who would be happy to move abroad, moved to Burundi, they wouldn’t be so unhappy to live in Britain.”



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Substitute Sub Sandwiches – U.S.


Sub shop, Jersey style.

In a previous post about sub sandwiches, WOEFULTOURIST mentioned in passing that in some parts of the country other terms are used instead of sub sandwich to describe their version of a sub sandwich.

He knew that this might be controversial, nevertheless even he was surprised by the overwhelming number of venomous comments he received from his audience.

Alright, perhaps overwhelming might be a bit of a stretch, but the one person who did respond seemed extremely upset about the whole thing.

Alright, extremely upset might be a bit of a stretch, but they did seem surprised to know that not everyone calls a sub a sub.

So to placate his audience and use up as much space as possible in the process, WOEFULTOURIST will try and set out to explain some of the different substitute sub terms that exist.

Being the real stickler for details that he is, WOEFULTOURIST would love to provide a definitive answer as to why the sandwiches are called what they are, but, unfortunately, the one source he checked out could not provide anything other than several competing explanations each of which seemed somewhat lame to his way of thinking.

Not wanting to add to the confusion, WOEFULTOURIST will not inject his own faux explanation into the mix, although he definitely would encourage his readers to do so.

In Philadelphia, the term “hoagie” is often subbed for sub.  This even though there is no definitive evidence that Mr. Carmichael actually preferred the Philly version to the New York, or Boston versions.

In Boston, the term “grinder” is often subbed for sub.  This even though by all accounts no ingredient of the sandwich has actually been ground up in such a machine.

In New York, the term “hero” is often subbed for sub.  This even though such a sandwich has never been documented, to WOEFULTOURIST’S knowledge, as ever having been used to literally save a life.

Figuratively, one can certainly refer to a good sandwich as a “life saver’.  However that is not the same as saying that someone was dying when a “hero” sandwich came to the rescue and saved the day.

A “hero” as a real “hero” would have made all the papers.  But it never did.

Additionally, it should be noted that the “hero” in question is an Italian “hero” and should not be confused with the Greek “gyro” a thoroughly different, yet equally desirable sandwich.  WOEFULTOURIST mentions this because for some odd reason, when gyro is translated into Greek, it comes out “hero”.  How weird is that!

WOEFULTOURIST is not going to include po’boys into the conversation because in his humble opinion that New Orleans cousin of the sub sandwich is in a league all of its own and should be considered as a unique institution.

While there are surely other sub substitutes out there, WOEFULTOURIST doesn’t feel strongly enough about any of them to give them their five minutes of fame.

Instead, he will finish this discussion focusing on the main dog, so to speak, namely the sub sandwich.  A Jersey staple, which while ever popular, is still not without some controversy of its own.

Specifically in the vein of the “chicken and egg” variety.

Most people are aware that the term “sub” is short for “submarine”.  However, the roll on which a sub is served is often referred to as a “torpedo” roll.

So the philosophical question that needs to be answered is, “Which came first, the sandwich or the roll?”

Is the sandwich called a sub because it is served on a torpedo roll, or is it called a torpedo roll because the name of the sandwich is a sub?

There are no simple answers to that question, dear friends.

Just many simple pleasures derived from eating its’ namesake.

So stop wasting your time thinking about it.  Instead, just go out, get one and start eating. WOEFULTOURIST is certain that whether some dietitian, or an ex fat dude named Jared says that particular one is good for you or not, you’ll still derive pleasure form consuming that delectable sub (Jersey style).


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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

April 17, 2018 Edition

Exchange students in Italy set fire by cooking pasta without water
By Daniel Uria | March 21, 2018

March 21 (UPI) — A group of American exchange students in Italy caused a fire after attempting to cook pasta without water.

The three 20-year-old women purchased a package of pasta from a store while studying in Italy and placed it directly in the pot before lighting the stove, causing the pasta to burst in flames within minutes.

“We put the pasta on the fire without the water, we thought it was cooked like that,” the students said.

Firefighters arrived at the scene to extinguish the blaze and told the exchange students they also weren’t aware that boiling water was required to cook pasta.

Florentine chef Fabio Picchi sought to right the issue by offering the women four hours of Italian cooking lessons in one of his restaurants.

“They will have lunch in our restaurant with two of my extraordinary cooks,” Picchi said. “They will teach them the simple basics that are very good if done well. I think this can be useful to them, but also to us. Understanding is what is beautiful and necessary.”

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Good to know that a group of American students were smart enough to get into an Italian exchange program, but not smart enough to know that you need water to cook pasta.”


Golfer catches kangaroo fighting flag on fifth green
By Ben Hooper | March 22, 2018

March 22 (UPI) — An Australian woman practicing her golf game at a local course came upon an unusual hazard on the fifth green — a kangaroo boxing with the flag.

Bettina Hammant said she was approaching the fifth hole Tuesday at Noosa Golf Club in Tewantin, Queensland, when she noticed the kangaroo blocking her ball’s path.

Hammant’s video, which she posted to Facebook, shows the kangaroo watching the flag for a few seconds before unleashing a flurry of punches on the inanimate object.

“This has to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen,” Hammant wrote. “I was out practicing and saw this!”

WOEFULTOURIST says, “With boxing partners harder and harder to get, kangaroos are having to make do with whatever substitutes they can find.”


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The Poconos – US

While it would fit right in, the picture was not actually taken in the Poconos.

While it would fit right in, surprisingly, this picture was not actually taken in the Poconos.


WOEFULTOURIST knows that sometimes the best choice is not always the straight and narrow one.

Sometimes, it’s the big and curvy one.

Perhaps, he should rephrase that.

But he won’t.

Nevertheless, this choice is not one of those.

Big and curvy that is.

Or, hot and sassy for that matter.

Or, icky and sticky.

The uninspired list of terms continues for as long as WOEFULTOURIST can come up with sexual innuendos for such things (nudge nudge, wink wink) which can go on for infinity plus two.

As such, it should not prove shocking to the true believer.

So don’t be.

And while there is a place for everything and everything in its place, WOEFULTOURIST is uncertain where that place actually is since, to spite his best intentions, he managed to misplace that thing and now some thing is definitely out of place.

As for what that thing is, he is befuddled, though not bewildered.

Uncertain, though not unaware.

Hopeless, helpless and hapless to be sure.

Yet, he would like to qualify, for those wondering, that he is not that thing whatever it actually is.

Although he knows exactly where that place that is.

It is called “the Poconos” and is located in eastern Pennsylvania.

How can he be so sure?

Aside from the road signs spelling it out for him, it turns out (not in) that the fine people of the Poconos make it easy on the out of towner to figure out where they are, where they are going and the easiest way to get lost on the way from one bar to the next.

And that’s something, although whether it is the misplaced thing looking for its place, the jury is still out of coffee and donuts.  Bailiff, see what you can do about that.

WOEFULTOURIST apologizes for that last statement. He was actually testing his audience to see how many of you were actually reading his post completely through, as opposed to just looking at the pictures and scrolling all the way to the bottom in order to read the punch line.

Test over, and it’s back to the Pocono’s where many things are the same as they’ve been since George Washington (the first one) was president.

And since people back then were a rather straight forward type dealing with the facts and nothing but the facts, many of those characteristics were handed down through the generations like yesterday’s tacky fashions (before they became today’s hip, sophisticated look).

Remembering that in the Poconos, hip and sophisticated are tolerated, but not encouraged.

Rather, basic and fundamental seem to rule the day.

In many Pocono towns, the visitor will find that the main road is called, Main Road.

In more than one community, the general store is called, The General Store.

In others, the church is located on Church Street, the bank on Bank Street and the print shop on  Guttenberg Place (which was recently renamed Mimeograph Avenue.)

Even the billboards hearken to elements of basic truths which permeate the Pocono basin.

In a certain misspelled Pocono town, the vigilant tourist will encounter a billboard advertising, Angelos Barbecue Restaurant. In addition to the name of the fine establishment, the following qualifier is included, “famous since 1928”.

In any other location this might be seen as overt bragging.

Or unqualified hubris (much different than the qualified stuff, though harder to import).

However the Pocono locals will tell you otherwise.

Set you straight.

Let you know that the qualifier is quite true.

Because as the locals are all quite aware, from 1922 – 1927 Angelos was still trying to make a name for himself and had no claim to fame, whatsoever.

That kind of unmitigated honesty seems lost in the rest of modern America.

But in the Poconos, it just goes with the territory.

Which is one of the many things that makes the Poconos the refreshingly honest place that it is.

And worthy of a visit.

And let’s be honest, how can you not love a place where you can find signs advertising, “Pierogies to Go”.

So run, don’t walk, to the Poconos – it’s more than just a place to go skiing.



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