WOEFULTOURIST does not take change well.
He prefers the tried and true to anything new.
Still, change happens and like everyone else, WOEFULTOURIST finds himself with the dreadful prospect of dealing with the new rules when they do arrive.
So to help you avoid his pain, WOEFULTOURIST is providing this post as a public service to his loyal reader so she can avoid some of the errors of his weighs.
When you are bringing a carry-on piece of luggage onto the plane, size does not seem to matter. WOEFULTOURIST has yet to see any airline official enforce size limits for carry-ons. So feel free to bring in anything on wheels and try to board with it. Most likely no one will say anything and the worst thing you’ll have to worry about is how to lift the darned thing into the overhead compartment without getting a hernia.
On the off chance that some uppity steward/ess actually decides to enforce regulations, then no worries. All that will happen is you will have to check the bag at the plane, which means it will be one of the last pieces to be packed, resulting in it being one of the first to be unloaded. Plus, no checked baggage fee will be assessed.
Speaking of carry-ons, apparently the “only one roll on bag and one purse/knapsack that has to fit under the seat in front of you” rule is strictly a recommendation and rarely enforced. So feel free to bring on bags of recent purchases, wrapped gifts, computer cases, coats, strollers and any other packages you can think of, onto the plane with you.
IMPORTANT NOTICE – Planes are almost exclusively still being boarded starting with first class travelers What has changed is that once first class boarding has been announced, all passengers are expected to form a large group in front of the boarding area in order to make it as difficult as possible for people who are supposed to be boarding from actually doing so.
Additionally, trying to board during the “first class only” boarding time when you do not have an actual first class ticket is also encouraged.
Once on the plane, passengers are supposed to use the overhead bins above their seats, and if that one is full, then they are to go to any adjacent overhead bin, push, shove, crush or otherwise move someone else’s belongings out of the way in order to get their stuff up there. So being late to board is not the disadvantage it used to be.
Upon takeoff, all passengers are expected to abruptly put their seats in full recline so as to inflict as much pain as possible on the people sitting directly behind them.
While cell phones, which get their signals from satellites but which the airlines cannot yet charge you a fee to use, are prohibited from use once the plane is moving and the doors are closed, you can get DirecTv on many flights, which also gets its signal from satellites, but which the airlines can and do charge you a fee to use.
After the plane has landed and made it to the gate, EVERYONE MUST STAND UP IMMEDIATELY AND CONTINUE TO DO SO UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY GET OFF THE PLANE. The fact that the airplane door may not yet be open is irrelevant. You must rise immediately, completely fill the aisles so no one can get by, then wait for the ten to fifteen minutes it takes for you to actually make your way to the exit.
Only passengers needing wheelchairs are excused from this rule. A doctor’s excuse may be required by the pilot, or other crew member.
WOEFULTOURIST hopes you find these new rules of behavior to be a valuable resource to help you successfully maneuver thru the various armpits, excuse him, airports of the world.