Destination Weddings

Key West remains a major site for destination weddings and bachelor/bachelorette parties.

 

WOEFULTOURIST is old enough to remember a time in America when “good” was good enough.

No one needed fancy titles, or ingredients to make a statement.

You just provided “good” stuff.

And the public was happy with that.

But somewhere along the way, things changed.

Like vodka, a perfectly fine American alcohol.

Time was when vodka was vodka.

It was good.

It was cheap.

It was the perfect alcohol for just about any thing you wanted to mix with it.

Then, everything changed.

Suddenly perfectly good vodka wasn’t “good” enough.

Only high end vodka would do.

Top shelf.

Triple filtered.

Quadruple the price.

But Americans being what they are, even that wasn’t “good” enough.

Such that, plain vodka, no matter how top shelf good it may have been, wasn’t “good enough”.

Not only did it need more, it needed that “more” already included in the bottle.

It was just too much to ask the young consumer to add stuff after the fact.

Which brought on the plethora of flavored vodkas.

Pepper.

Lemon (sometimes spelled “limon” ostensibly because the regular spelling wasn’t “good” enough).

Mandarin (because orange obviously wasn’t “good” enough).

Which was followed by flavored alcohol of every type, including (heaven help him) buorbon.

As one might have imagined, the “good isn’t good enough” mantra didn’t just involve alcohol.

It migrated into every aspect of American life.

From decorating your house for Christmas.

To having people over for barbecue.

It all had to be bigger than average, with more accessories than just “good”.

Which inevitably trickled down to every aspect of human existence, including weddings.

Like most people, WOEFULTOURIST never really liked weddings, even when they were relatively simple things.

The bride wore white, the groom wore a black tuxedo and the church organist played “Here Comes the Bride” as she entered the building.  After the official ceremony, the bride and groom kissed and as they exited the building guests threw rice at the happy couple as they ran to the limo to take them to the local VFW Hall for the reception.

Nowadays WOEFULTOURIST would rather have a root canal than go to a wedding.

Fact is, since everything has changed so much, he doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to do, or not.

Rice is definitely out, as apparently are most types of hops, rye and soda.

Tin cans are no longer tied to the bumper of the limo, and don’t even think of using shaving cream to spell out “just married “on the trunk lid.

The wedding photographer has been replaced by the wedding videographer since pictures are yesterday’s news.

And nowadays, both the bachelor/ette party and the wedding itself are more likely to be held at a “destination” than in a nearby town that’s convenient for family and friends to get to.

That’s right, renting a limo and going to a local strip club for the bachelor/ette party is no longer “good” enough.

Now, you have to rent a limo and go to a strip club in Vegas.

Or New Orleans.

Or Key West.

Apparently the out of town strippers are way better than the foreignors to be found at local strip clubs.

As for the wedding, well the current thinking by the wedding party is that if the parents are going to spend fifty thousand dollars on the wedding, it might as be at a destination that’s inconvenient for everyone, but for which the bride and groom will constantly pinch themselves while giggling obnoxiously, because the selfies are to die for.

The fact that only a tenth of the people invited actually made it, almost all of them being family, or members of the wedding party, doesn’t really matter.

Neither does the cost, since the bride and groom aren’t the ones paying the bill.

Nope, these days, what matters is bragging rights.

And having a destination wedding on a tropical island, especially one so exclusive that most people have never even heard of it, that is before the hurricaine came through and wiped out most evidence of civilization  there (including their wedding venue) is about as high up on the status pole as one can get.

That is, until the next generation comes along and moves the bar even higher, to more stratospheric heights.

Can you say “space station”.

All because when push comes to shove, and the good get going,  “good”just  isn’t “good enough”, any more.

 

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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

December 14, 2017 Edition

Budweiser is blasting barley into space to brew Mars beer                                            Saqib Shah,Engadget Thu, Nov 23, 2017 

Settlers could arrive on Mars as soon as 2024, if SpaceX gets its way. And, those newcomers to the red planet are going to need supplies, like…beer. While Elon Musk and co. are aspiring to send (useful) cargo to Mars two years ahead of the first visitors, Budweiser is planning for the inevitable celebrations. The company previously said it wanted to be the first beer on Mars, and it’s moving ahead with its publicity-stunt-cum-science-experiment, with plans to send barley into space in December. 
Before then, Budweiser needs to crack how to brew beer in space, and barley will form the basis of its initial tests on the International Space Station (ISS). The grain will be blasted to the giant orbiting spacecraft aboard SpaceX’s supply rocket on December 4th. Once on the ISS, scientists will examine Bud’s barley seeds (a core beer ingredient, in case you didn’t know) to see how they react to microgravity exposure and germination. The seedlings will be in orbit for 30 days before returning back to earth, for Budweiser to further analyze.
You may recall that Scottish distiller Ardbeg sent some actual booze to the ISS in 2011, later finding that the stay altered the ratio of its whisky’s chemicals. Does that mean ‘Bud Mars’ will be different than earth beer? Well, that remains to be seen.
Aside from providing good times on Mars, Budweiser claims the research could also proffer valuable insights for agriculture on our planet. If only Matt Damon hadn’t been too busy growing potatoes for survival, he could’ve caught some downtime with a cold brew.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Bud will truly be a beer that’s out of this world.”

 

Boom! Luxury converted nuclear missile silo lists on Airbnb                                      Associated Press •November 24, 2017
ESKRIDGE, Kan. (AP) — A Cold War-era missile silo in rural northeast Kansas that housed a nuclear warhead 65 years ago and was later converted into an underground mansion is now finding a new lease on life as an Airbnb location.
The Subterra Castle Airbnb opened for business about six months ago. It’s located in rural Wabaunsee County, about 15 miles (25 kilometers) southwest of Topeka.
Matthew Fulkerson, 37, is the host for Subterra, and said it was his idea to turn the site into an Airbnb. Fulkerson is a neighbor of Subterra’s owners, Ed and Dianna Peden, who have lived in the converted missile base since 1994 and are on board with the Airbnb idea.
More than being a place for people to stay when passing through Kansas, Fulkerson said he has a bigger vision for the site.
“I see it as becoming a destination,” he said, adding that the base has already been featured in several media outlets.
In addition to a main-floor bedroom, Airbnb guests at Subterra will have a full kitchen, private bathroom, laundry services and a fireplace which gives a “nice, cozy feeling in the fall and winter months,” Fulkerson said.
He said he and the Pedens “are considering using both apartments upstairs and down” should Airbnb traffic pick up, “especially because some people really want the experience of sleeping underground.”
Fulkerson said Subterra is the first and currently the only Airbnb located in a converted missile silo.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Guests are reminded that, whatever you do, don’t ever press the red button.”

 

Las Vegas pot dispensaries offer Black Friday deals                                                           Associated Press•November 23, 2017
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Big-box stores won’t be the only ones offering discounts to shoppers in Las Vegas this Black Friday. Marijuana dispensaries are rolling out deals, too.
More than 40 dispensaries in the Sin City area will offer discounts on marijuana flower products, edibles such as chocolates, and concentrates, the Las Vegas Sun reported Wednesday. This will be the first Black Friday since legal sales of recreation marijuana began in Nevada.
“It’s a great stocking-stuffer, and now you can treat it like alcohol in that regard,” said state Sen. Tick Segerblom, who helped legalize recreational pot in the state. “As long as no kids can get to it. It’s for adults only.”
Some dispensaries will offer an eighth of an ounce of select flower products for $35, down from $53. One dispensary will gift shoppers a 10-pack of fruit chew edibles with any purchase, while another one will have a buy-one-get-one-free special on edibles.
Legal sales of recreational marijuana began in the state July 1. Those 21 and older with a valid ID can buy up to an ounce of pot. People can only use the drug in a private home as it remains illegal to consume it in public, including the Las Vegas Strip, hotels and casinos.
“Cannabis use has been misunderstood and vilified in our country for over 80 years, so this day will feel both surreal and celebratory,” said Andrew Jolley, owner of dispensaries and president of the Nevada Dispensary Association. “We’re very excited about the first holiday season of adult-use in Nevada.”

WOEFULTOURIST says, “In Vegas now you can smell the holiday spirit all around you.”

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Major European Museums

 

Room of headless statues, Louvre Museum,  Paris

While WOEFULTOURIST is not necessarily fond of visiting museums, he somehow feels guilty if he doesn’t visit the world famous ones when he finds himself in a major European city.

This in spite of the fact that after he does so, he can’t help but ask himself, “Why did I waste my time!”

It’s not that there isn’t something to learn, it’s just that it’s so hard to focus on any one thing when you have a million other artifacts vying for your attention.

It’s as if the museums are in competition with each other to see who can get the most stuff out of the vaults and onto the shelves.

The natural history museums are ridiculous when it comes to that.

Even the smallest bit of pottery somehow gets a place of honor in the display case.

WOEFULTOURIST has some advice for all the natural history museums.  To misquote and paraphrase that patriot, Buck Henry – “Give him completeness, or give him nothingness!”

Face it, no one cares about some pottery shard, misplaced bead, or broken arrow head.

If you have a complete, ornate piece of pottery – fine.  Once pieces are missing, leave it in the vault.  No one wants to see jugs with holes in them.

End of discussion.

Not that art museums are any better.

Enough with the 50 partially complete torsos of ancient Greek and Roman statues and busts.  Find one complete example and put it on display.

No tourist gets all worked up when they see a statue without limbs, noses, or other body parts.  So stop wasting space and the public’s time.

If you can’t find a complete example, then why not pull a Frankenstein and put together one from all of the different parts you have lying about.

Or if that’s too low tech for the art snobs, then why not use computer generated images to create perfect replacement parts so you can show intact figures the way they would have looked thousands of years ago.

Let’s get real, WOEFULTOURIST did not suffer thru an overnight flight with screaming kids, bad movies and seats that don’t conform to any of his body parts just so he could spend his hard earned cash to see a museum where he has to “imagine” what the thing actually looked like when it was intact.

Either give him the whole thing, or give him nothing at all.

And another thing, why do these major museums advertise about the fact that they have a world famous work of art, but when you go to try and see it, you can’t.

Want to see the Pieta at St Peters Basilica, in Vatican City?! Guess again.  (For the record, WOEFULTOURIST recognizes that St. Peters is not a museum, but he couldn’t think of a museum analogy that fit, so work with him.)

The Pieta sits in a little grotto in the Basilica, protected from the crowds and camera flashes with a bulletproof glass wall.  To add injury to insult, the glass isn’t even perfectly clear.  Meaning that any picture that you do take comes out all blurry and with a flash reflection in it.

Look, WOEFULTOURIST gets it.

You need to protect the originals.

But why not have an exact duplicate Pieta made out of fiberglass that the tourists can take clear pictures of.

Or how about one made out of concrete that you can touch, feel and crawl all over.

Or maybe create a Pieta cutout, where you insert your head into the hole that the Madonna’s head used to occupy, so you too can be part of a real work of art.

If that’s not art for the people, WOEFULTOURIST doesn’t know what is.

 

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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

December 12, 2017 Edition

Cows rain down on drivers after crash in Utah
Emily Shugerman,The Independent Thu, Nov 23 2017

Drivers in Riverdale, Utah experienced some unexpected bumps on their morning commute when cows began raining down on them from the road above.

A semi-truck transporting cattle through the small town crashed on a freeway overpass just before noon, sending its cargo spilling into the road below. The freeway ramp was temporarily closed in the aftermath, as crews attempted to clear the scene of cattle.

The driver was speeding in the 45-mph (72-kph) area, Riverdale Police Lieutenant Mike Loveland told The Independent. While rounding a curve on an exit ramp, the truck crashed into a low wall, causing it to spill cattle.

Kerri Kofoed told the Deseret News she was driving down the freeway on Wednesday when “a big black blob came flying at the windshield.” Her car slammed into the median wall and drove over the fallen cow before coming to a stop, she said.

Ms Kofoed said she felt “major gratitude that just one cow hit me and that it didn’t bust through the windshield.”

Footage from the scene shows several cows splayed on the road below the crash, while others rest calmly in the grass to the side.

Approximately 25 cows fell from the overpass, Fox 13 reported, but it is unclear how many were killed. The driver was not injured in the crash, but was issued a citation, Mr Loveland said. The freeway ramp was reopened at 3:30pm.

“The way I understand it is that [the cows] all off the freeway at this point,” Utah Department of Transportation spokesman Zach Whitney told the Salt Lake Tribune at 3:40 pm.

A similar incident occurred last year, when another semi-truck crashed on the same freeway ramp, killing 70 of the 80 cows inside, according to the Tribune. Authorities said speeding was also to blame in that crash.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “He has it on bad authority, the cows were just training for the ‘World Jump Over the Moon Competition’.”

 

VIDEO OF PLANE WINDOW COMING LOOSE MIDFLIGHT CONFIRMS YOUR WORST HOLIDAY TRAVEL FEARS
BY DANA DOVEY ON 11/24/17

Fear of flying is a fairly widespread phobia, and for those who share this aversion to air travel, you may want to stop reading now. One brave traveler shared footage of his plane window coming loose from the aircraft during a recent flight over Chile, reminding us how vulnerable we are at 3,000 feet in the air.

The short footage was shared by Imgur user OctopussSevenTwo and shows the passenger casually peeling back the window from the plane, The Indy100 reported. The clip is accompanied by the simple phrase “Should I be concerned or…?”

The passenger had taken a low-cost airline, and his plane ticket was only about $30. Still, he did not expect the plane to begin to fall apart while it was still in the air.

“The window was totally off its frame,” the passenger who took the footage told The Daily Mail. “I found it funny and recorded the video with my cellphone.”

Patrick Smith, airline pilot and host of askthepilot.com, said the damage was not a concern or a danger to the airplane passengers. “It’s just a superficial liner that helps protect the actual window. I admit that it looks embarrassing and unprofessional, but there’s no safety risk,” Smith told The Daily Mail.

Plane seats usually have three windowpanes. The first window that we see come loose in the video is called the scratch pane, according to Science Alert. This pane is simply made to protect the middle pane and the outer panes from scratches and damage. It also helps to minimize the outside sounds that make it into the internal cabin, allowing passengers to have a more relaxing flight experience. The two outer panes are the most important panes, as these are the panes that actually protect passengers from the pressure of the outside world.

The odds of a plane crash are at one for every 1.2 million flights, with odds of dying one in 11 million.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “On discount airlines, you get what you pay for. Window panes are extra.”

 

 

Pensioner’s Giant Cock Has Become A Tourist Attraction In Fife
Ryan Barrell Writer, The Huffington Post UK12/08/2016

Jim Hughes has erected a 14 foot rooster in his front garden.

A Scottish pensioner’s home has become a local tourist attraction after he erected a 14 foot (4.25 metre) cockerel in his front garden.

73-year-old Jim Hughes pruned an ivy-covered tree into the shape of a male chicken outside his home in East Wemyss, and even added a beak and a comb to make it look even more cock-like.

“Originally, it was an old cherry blossom tree,” Hughes told Fife Today. It got that big that I was worried it would be blown over and hit a car.”

”It’s in the front garden and looks out into the street. Since then, quite a few people have been stopping to take photographs,” he added. “I call it Jock. And it’s crowing for independence.”

Jim isn’t the only keen horticulturalist making headlines with bizarre topiary.

Back in February, tree surgeon Chris Bishop rose to fame after pruning an 18 foot (5.5 metre) tree on his property into a giant penis.

Worcestershire resident Chris spent three years growing out the Cypress tree before he was able to trim it to look like a huge gentleman’s sausage.

The green-fingered 43-year-old told Caters: “No-one’s commented when I’ve been out in the garden, people have just looked at it and walked past. I think it’s because they’re trying to work out whether it’s just their dirty minds.”

Despite protests from angry neighbours, Chris says he plans to grow the foliage out even more so he can add a pair of testicles to the sculpture.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “In Great Britain, topiary penises are all the rage.”

 

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Giving Thanks

Oh joy, oh rapture.

 

WOEFULTOURIST certainly understands the importance of receiving.

And not just those cool birthday presents which are recycled to fill his Christmas stockings every other year.

Nope, it’s more the intangibles which really matter.

Simple stuff.

Like life.

Because the alternative is kind of depressing,

And while we are all doomed to experience it, it’s nice to know that this year was not the year to end our bucket list dreams (by kicking said bucket).

If life is number one, than health is a closed behind.

Because it’s tough to really appreciate life if you’re in constant pain, or need someone to wipe your butt for you when you go to the bathroom.

Now some of you out there may find that trivial.

For those that doo, he suggests you try to go to the bathroom with your hands tied behind your back, literally.

Yeah, it is quite the unpleasant, mess.

And trust him, you’re not going to get someone to volunteer to wipe your butt for you.

It takes cold, hard cash.

So stay healthy and save your hard earned stash.

The older WOEFULTOURIST gets, the more mundane are the things he gives thanks for.

For while he is amazed that the world has not opted to destroy itself via nuclear holocause this year, it is not something that he consciously puts on his yearly list.

Ditto the fact that all of the world’s ice caps are still made of ice.

Ditto squared the fact that in spite of those forces trying to prevent it, in most countries, for the most part, there really is peace on earth.

Rather, WOEFULTOURIST focuses on things closer to home.

Important to his daily existence.

Often, overlooked.

Though not forgotten.

Like dog farts.

Because if they didn’t, WOEFULTOURIST would have to take the blame for most, if not all, of his gaseous, public moments.

Leading to all sorts of denials, finger pointings and faintings.

Leading to all sorts of sprayed air fresheners, rapid window openings, and the mass exit of most people in the room, in question.

Because they do (dogs farting) WOEFULTOURIST can often blame his gas on the resident canine.

“Bad Max”.

“Bad Duke”.

Instead of, “Bad WOEFUL”.

It’s something he is ever thankful for, not just at the end of the year.

Finally, WOEFULTOURIST is thankful for something lost, but magically resurrected.

That’s right, McDonald’s has brought back the McRib.

So eat (McRib), drink (whatever adult beverage you prefer) and for heaven’s sake, be merry.

The last thing anyone needs this year is another grouch to deal with.

Joy to the world, indeed.

 

 

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