Christmas is Coming – Act Surprised

Don’t let the palm trees fool you, it’s almost Christmas.

 

Now WOEFULTOURIST is sure that most people are familiar with Christmas and all the important things it represents.

Fat men with white beards getting jolly, for one thing.

An overabundance of sleigh bells, for another.

And while those same most people focus on December 25th exclusively and then move on to other days and other things, WOEFULTOURIST is not one of those most people.

Because for him, Christmas is not about a day, it’s about a life style.

So much so that he finds himself blessed to be one of those individuals for whom Christmas is celebrated 365 days of the year (including leap year, for those counting).

While WOEFULTOURIST may be in the minority in terms of his Christmas zeal, many people embrace an extended celebration of the holiday.

Which is why it is called the holiday season and not simply “the holiday”.

It’s why retail stores start stocking their shelves with any manner of Christmas related items starting on the day after Labor Day – (September, for those not accustomed to American holidays).

It’s also why you can purchase a Christmas themed Hess Truck online, in October, even though the Hess Company no longer is in the gas station business

It’s why radio stations re-format their programming in November so as to play nothing but Christmas tunes, jingles and any other type of similar music that has an abundance of sleigh bells in it.

It’s why you can purchase a live (meaning dead and cut with a chain saw close to the ground) Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, even though it will probably become dry as kindling, lose all its needles and become a fire hazard way before Christmas even arrives.

Given all of these reasons, WOEFULTOURIST understands how some people can become confused about when  the Christmas season is actually upon us, since their biological clocks have recently been set back an hour by Daylight Savings Time (or the other one – Fall down, Spring open).

For his sake, it’s a no brainer since his cell phone is always set to Christmas time.

But for the rest of his viewers, he realizes that they may need other ways to determine just how close to Christmas, it really is.

So he has come up with several sure fire ways for the public to make that determination.

One belle whether that never fails is the Goodwill measuring stick – twelve inches off this week.

Specifically, the closer it gets to Christmas itself, the fewer things one finds for sale at your neighborhood Goodwill, or other thrift store de jour.

Apparently, lots of people enjoy giving the gift of second hand gifts and so rush out to Goodwill in order to increase their stash.

Ho ho ho.

Another, and somewhat related measure as to how close it is to the final days of the Christmas season, is that there is nowhere to park at the local pawn shop.

Perhaps it has something to do with the Goodwill factor.

Perhaps, it has something to do with the fact that people will park anywhere there is an open space the closer it gets to Christmas.

Perhaps, it has something to do with sunspots.

Perhaps, not,.

The final, and most sure way to know the Christmas season is upon us is the Walmart metric – even though we’re talkiing about America where we don’t acknowledge the importance of any other forms of measurement except our own.

That’s right, you know the real Christmas season is upon us because in addition to having official Greeters welcome you to Walmart, during the Christmas holidays thay also have security personnel standing at the exits to wish you well and inspect your packages to make sure they really are yours and paid for.

Because while WOEFULTOURIST would never stoop to such lows and so sully the nature of the holiday, it appears that many people believe that Christmas is not just the season of giving, it’s also the season of taking, and choose to partake in just such an activity.

Apparently Walmart also believes as WOEFULTOURIST does and acts to preserve the true nature of the holiday.

So in that vane, WOEFULTOURIST would like to wish everyone a big howdy from Chris Krinkle, a nod from Rudolph, and to all a good night.

About admin

Actor, writer and health inspector. I've been ensuring food safety and providing quality entertainment, for over two decades.
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