WOEFULTOURIST doesn’t know much about fame, which is the excuse he gives for never achieving it.
Sure he realizes that first you get a cable tv show, then you make a fool out of yourself just being yourself, then you merchandise that foolishness with shirts, hats and beer coozies with your image on it.
Unfortunately, no one has ever offered WOEFULTOURIST a cable tv show, so he really can’t appreciate the boatloads of money which those individuals who have such shows, rake in.
Similarly, he also cannot understand the desire of the viewing public to vicariously experience said boatloads of money as well as the celebrity that goes with it, by being able to see, touch, or visit the newly opened retail establishment which the celebrity opened and probably has nothing to do with the actual running of.
Which is as it should be.
After all, shouldn’t celebrities focus on making their shows sillier and sillier as opposed to working to expand their business empire by spending their leisure time opening up yet another business.
WOEFULTOURIST thinks so, but what does he know.
Not much when it comes to celebrities, as has been already established.
Nevertheless, the rest of the American public can’t get enough of celebrities.
All you have to have is a celebrity book signing in your city – and by celebrity book signing he means that the “celebrity” will show up to some book store in order to rubber stamp copies of a book which they didn’t write, but did give some interesting tidbits and autobiographical inaccuracies to a ghost writer who did all of the dirty work and got none of the accolades that go with it.
The place will be jammed with middle aged women, and dirty old men, who wait in line for hours just for the privilege of getting a close up glimpse of a real life celebrity, and spend a boatload of money on a worthless book that they’ll never actually read because it might spoil the signature on the inside cover which the celebrity misspelled, anyway.
Which somehow makes the whole experience even more special.
All of which is a prelude to WOEFULTOURIST stating why he was quite jaded when he visited Dallas and was promptly taken to the Gas Monkey Bar N Grill.
For those unfamiliar, like WOEFULTOURIST, the bar is owned by the same people who star in the cable tv show, Gas Monkey.
For those even more unfamiliar, Gas Monkey is a cable tv show where they fix up and customize automobiles.
Now WOEFULTOURIST will be the first one to tell you that he knows nothing about customizing automobiles.
But he does know more than a few things about bars.
So while the whole celebrity side of the deal was wasted on him, the beer side of things was taken advantage of.
Now some may wonder what does running a custom garage have to do with running a bar.
All WOEFULTOURIST will say is, “Keep Wondering.”
As for the bar, it was exactly what the doctor ordered.
Then he had what the teacher ordered.
And finally, it was the bartender’s choice, and who can ignore that.
For those celebrity conscious in the audience, none of the Gas Monkey group were at the bar that day.
Fortunately, none of them walked out of the kitchen serving WOEFULTOURIST his food, either.
Look, he’s fine with grease on his food, just not 10W30.
And while he’s not very intrigued by the whole “celebrity expanding their empire into other businesses” deal, in this instance, he’s glad the Gas Monkey dudes did something important with their boatloads of money by opening up a bar to help quench the thirsts of Dallas-ites, and their nearby environs.