WOEFULTOURIST certainly understands the importance of receiving.
And not just those cool birthday presents which are recycled to fill his Christmas stockings every other year.
Nope, it’s more the intangibles which really matter.
Because the alternative is kind of depressing,
And while we are all doomed to experience it, it’s nice to know that this year was not the year to end our bucket list dreams (by kicking said bucket).
If life is number one, than health is a closed behind.
Because it’s tough to really appreciate life if you’re in constant pain, or need someone to wipe your butt for you when you go to the bathroom.
Now some of you out there may find that trivial.
For those that doo, he suggests you try to go to the bathroom with your hands tied behind your back, literally.
Yeah, it is quite the unpleasant, mess.
And trust him, you’re not going to get someone to volunteer to wipe your butt for you.
It takes cold, hard cash.
So stay healthy and save your hard earned stash.
The older WOEFULTOURIST gets, the more mundane are the things he gives thanks for.
For while he is amazed that the world has not opted to destroy itself via nuclear holocause this year, it is not something that he consciously puts on his yearly list.
Ditto the fact that all of the world’s ice caps are still made of ice.
Ditto squared the fact that in spite of those forces trying to prevent it, in most countries, for the most part, there really is peace on earth.
Rather, WOEFULTOURIST focuses on things closer to home.
Important to his daily existence.
Though not forgotten.
Like dog farts.
Because if they didn’t, WOEFULTOURIST would have to take the blame for most, if not all, of his gaseous, public moments.
Leading to all sorts of denials, finger pointings and faintings.
Leading to all sorts of sprayed air fresheners, rapid window openings, and the mass exit of most people in the room, in question.
Because they do (dogs farting) WOEFULTOURIST can often blame his gas on the resident canine.
Instead of, “Bad WOEFUL”.
It’s something he is ever thankful for, not just at the end of the year.
Finally, WOEFULTOURIST is thankful for something lost, but magically resurrected.
That’s right, McDonald’s has brought back the McRib.
So eat (McRib), drink (whatever adult beverage you prefer) and for heaven’s sake, be merry.
The last thing anyone needs this year is another grouch to deal with.
Joy to the world, indeed.