Previously WOEFULTOURIST regaled his readers with certain fundamental issues of road construction in Jersey.
For this post, he will get into more detail – if not to regale, then to entertain.
If not to entertain, then to inform.
If not to inform, well, you should get the idea by now.
If not, then WOEFULTOURIST suggests you hang out near the clinic where there’s no doubt you’ll get it.
For those whose recollection has been repossessed, WOEFULTOURIST will remind his readers that road construction and the associated headaches of lane closures, road closures and “detours to nowhere” have been refined to a pseudo-science in the Garden State.
As such, hypotheses are to be embraced without testing, conclusions drawn in invisible ink and only worst case scenarios considered so that the press can have something to print on an otherwise slow news day.
In Jersey, highway road construction veers into the center lane without warning and ignores flagmen and their flags (regardless of the color, shape, or semaphore pattern).
Nevertheless, when one finds oneself on a Jersey highway undergoing some manner of road work, one will notice that there are plenty of traffic cones placed on the roadway to advertise said work. In fact, the unwritten law, which is muddled in the unread, semi-official highway road construction manual, is that whenever any road construction takes place, traffic cones, as well as metal and electric signs warning of construction ahead, are placed a minimum of 1 mile before the actual construction site.
For people who live in states where efficiency is at the forefront (there’s got to be at least one out of fifty, don’t you think) this might seem like an excessive amount of warning.
Heck, in most states which WOEFULTOURIST has driven thru, a minimum amount of warning precedes any highway road construction site.
So why the seeming largesse on Jersey highways?
Is it because “safety first” is our mantra?
Of course not, you silly flamingo.
Is it because some government study hypothesized (probably without testing ahead of time) that the more warning one gives, the better the traffic flow outcome will become?
Of course not, you silly anhinga.
Is it because some idiot in Purchasing added a few extra zeroes to the order for traffic cones and a million were delivered instead of a thousand?
Possibly, although investigations are still taking place, you not so silly spoonbill.
Most likely, the main reason for this excessive amount of warning is due to the fact that Jersey drivers never believe anything they read on signs – electronic or otherwise. So an excessive amount of warning is required in order to give Jersey drivers plenty of time NOT to move over from the lane which is being taken out of service, until the very last second, where they inevitably cut off some courteous out of state driver foolish enough to actually read and obey the signs.
So in conclusion (without even a shred of hypothesized testing) when driving on a highway undergoing road construction in Jersey, ignore the cones, ignore the signs and definitely ignore the other drivers honking and swearing as you cut them off at the very last second.
‘Cause that’s Jersey rules, y’all.