New Jersey Sculpture Garden – Jersey

The boats are real, the couple is not.

 

There is something about the exotic that is exciting, somehow.

Desirous.

Almost hypnotic.

WOEFULTOURIST must confess (his shrink, insisted) that he is often guilty of such wanderlust.

Because instead of being quite content to explore the sights, sounds and smells of those things close to home, he is usually enamored with thoughts (sometimes lustful) of far away places.

If truth be told (which it rarely is) WOEFULTOURIST spends untold sleepless nights (and it’s not due to his better half’s snoring) dreaming of visiting far away places and doing far away things.

Like, finally going to Canton, Ohio and visiting the NFL Hall of Fame.

To see all the old time uniforms.

Perhaps, even to touch the Lombardi Trophy.

And, if he’s really lucky, to get a glimpse of that rarest of things – the only toe jam football known to exist.

Maybe someday.

Maybe not.

Or visit Italy, again.

Only this time, to see all of the amazing sites he missed on his first visit.

Highest on that list, of course, are the ruins of the Pompetus of Love.

He can hardly imagine how all of that love could have been ruined in minutes as the rumblings of the nearby volcano became something much worse than mere indigestion.

All WOEFULTOURIST can say is, “Da doo doo doo, da da da da.”

Perhaps, someday soon, WOEFULTOURIST can visit Southern California and get an autograph from the little old lady from Pasadena.

Or go to Holland and yodel with Hocus Pocus Focus.

Or –

WOEFULTOURIST admits it, sussudio.

It’s a disease.

And while there is a cure, medicare won’t cover it.

So WOEFULTOURIST did something on his own to try and counteract the effects.

He went local.

And visited The Garden State Sculpture Gardens, oddly located smack, dab in the Garden State.

As for how you know when you’re getting close ?

Just look for the giant statues pointing the way.

As for the Gardens, themselves.

WOEFULTOURIST was amazed.

Who knew that Abe Lincoln was so tall?

Or that Marilyn Monroe’s legs went on for days (or thirty feet, if you prefer).

It was a revelation.

Although, WOEFUORIST must admit that it can also be a bit creepy.

Especially when you realize that the conversation you’ve been having for the past ten minutes, while comfortably seated on the bench, was with a sculpture, not a human being.

Then, again, he wasn’t interrupted by the other person attempting to point out the many flaws in WOEFULTOURIST’S logic.

So there is that.

And while on the way home, he fought the law and the law won, WOEFULTOURIST was happily surprised that in his own back yard, he could find something as intriguing and enjoyable as The Garden State Sculpture Garden.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

December 07, 2017 Edition

Vermont town laments looming cemetery plot shortage
The Associated Press, NOVEMBER 18, 2017

(HARTFORD, VT) Some people in a Vermont town are worried the community is going to run out of available cemetery plots.

Hartford residents have been considering new strategies to preserve existing cemeteries and make sure the community doesn’t run out of plots where people can rest for eternity.

Five of the 12 cemeteries located within town lines are owned by Hartford, while the others are managed by private associations, the Valley News reported. All of the town-owned cemeteries are closed to new burials.

Ann Collins, 80, of the Quechee Cemetery Association, said that with fewer plot sales, diminished interest earnings and flat town funding, her association has been forced to dip into its endowment to pay operating costs.

“As the older people have died off, the younger generation is not as interested in carrying on,” said Collins, whose parents are buried in one of the cemeteries the association owns.

The association’s budget includes $5,000 annually from the town, interest from an endowment of about $40,000, and $600 each time a burial plot is purchased.

Under Vermont law, if any cemetery association collapses, the town inherits the responsibility of maintaining that cemetery.

“I think it’s going to come to that point,” said Collins. “Eventually, any income is going to run out.”

Hartford Town Manager Leo Pullar said the accelerating plight of the private cemetery associations, and concern that the town will run out of burial space, has spurred new interest.

“I’m optimistic there,” Pullar said.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “The problem is people are just dying to get to Hartford.”

 

Inside South Korea’s bizarre penis-themed park ‘built to keep the spirit of a dead virgin happy’
ByRachael Burford, 20 NOV 2017

Visitors to Haesindang Park, near the coastal village of Sinnam, South Korea, can see almost 300 erect phallic statues all dedicated to the memory of a virgin bride-to-be who was left on a rock by her fisherman fiancé when he went off to work.

When a storm came in she is said to have drowned and ever since her spirit can only be pleased by the sight of male genitalia .

The sculpted sex organs come in all shapes and sizes, from dreamcatchers to a six foot penis cannon that rises and falls throughout the day.

One of the main draws is a toothy yawning statue that has a huge phallus protruding from his mouth (Image: Youtube/ Unusual World)

Guests can also feast their eyes on ten-foot-tall male member expertly carved out of wood or plonk themselves down on a concrete penis stool.

There are also an array of preserved real mammal’s genatalia, from whales, bears, cats, seals and even mice.

A gift shop sell everything from penis-shapped penne pasta to knitted willy-warmers.

It is not known exactly when the penises started to appear on the edge of the Korean fishing village, 40 minutes south of Samcheok.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Members have their privileges.”

 

Tourist snaps photo of seal being chased from Irish fish shop
By Ben Hooper | Nov. 22, 2017

Nov. 22 (UPI) — A visitor to an Irish town captured a photo of local celebrity Sammy the Seal being chased out of a fish store after trying to steal a snack.

Derek Byrne tweeted a photo he snapped on a seaside road in Wicklow, Ireland, when he spotted a fish shop employee chasing a large seal across the street.

“Just witnessed this giant seal being chased out the door of a fishmongers shop in Wicklow town,” Byrne wrote.

Commenters informed Byrne that Sammy the Seal is a local celebrity in Wicklow and is famous for making near-daily treks across the road to attempt to steal from The Lighthouse, a fish store and seafood restaurant.

The store has employed several measures to ward off the thieving seal, including once chasing the animal with a large photo of U.S. President Donald Trump.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Unfortunately, the seal is a Republican and the tactic only made the store more attractive.”

 

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Cliffs of Moher vs the Cliffs of Kilkee – Ireland

Maeve on the edge of one of the Cliffs of Moher - Ireland

Maeve, after sneaking past the barrier that said not to, and lying on the edge of one of the Cliffs of Moher – Ireland

 

Ireland is blessed with some fantastic scenery.

Some of the best is to be found on the west coast, in no small part due to the effects of the Atlantic Ocean relentlessly pounding against the coast to create amazing cliffs.

One of the most famous are the Cliffs of Moher.

Another, not as well known are the Cliffs at Kilkee.

As a public service, WOEFULTOURIST will provide a comparison of the two sites so his readers can decide for themselves which one will better serve their travel needs.

The Cliffs of Moher attract millions of visitors a year.

The Cliffs at Kilkee attract tens of thousands.

At the Cliffs of Moher, there are large parking lots providing plenty of space for cars, trucks and buses.

At Kilkee there is some parking for cars at the beachfront, as well as on the street throughout the seaside town.

Plenty of vendors selling all manner of souvenirs are present at the Cliffs of Moher.

Small shops in Kilkee cater mainly to the crowds that arrive during the summer high season.

There are numerous warning signs, roped off areas and other means of keeping people as far away from the actual edge of the cliff as possible at the Cliffs of Moher.

You are free to climb up the cliffs at Kilkee and sit on the edge, dangling your feet in the wind as you enjoy the unobstructed view of the Atlantic.

So there you have it, fans.

And as you can imagine, when it comes to Irish cliffs, WOEFULTOURIST clearly prefers the Cliffs of Moher to those at Kilkee.

After all, it has everything he wants in a cliff-side attraction and nothing to distract him from the cliffs.

It’s got plenty of parking.

Lots of chintzy souvenirs to bring back for friends and relatives.

A safe viewing platform far enough from the actual edge of the cliffs, but close enough to still see the water hundreds of feet down.

And how can you put a price on the ability to share a natural wonder with tens of thousands of other tourists that you have never seen before in your life and will never see again.

Heck, going to a lovely seaside village, like Kilkee, sunbathing on the beach, eating at any number of fine local restaurants, hanging out in the pollock holes at low tide, window shopping and taking a leisurely stroll at your convenience to the top of the cliffs dilutes the whole experience of viewing just the cliffs.

Far better, in WOEFULTOURIST’s eyes, to simply spend all of your day doing one thing only, like admiring the cliffs.

Then, if he so chooses, another full day can be spent just hanging at the beach.

WOEFULTOURIST finds it way too stressful to try and fit too much activity into one day.

After all, you’re on vacation.  Best to spread out the activities to a manageable level.

One a day, seems about right.

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Wacky Travel News

Fake Sputnik Capsule – Berlin

Wacky Travel News that’s out of this world – (as is the totally inappropriate commentary that follows.

December 05, 2017 Edition

Santa Claus Gets The Boot From Britain’s National Trust Because He’s Too American
By Ed Mazza

Britain’s National Trust has told Santa Claus to get back on his sleigh and get out of town, or at least out of the organization’s famous estates and homes.

He’s too American.

But the agency, which runs more than 300 historic buildings including homes, castles and forts, is keeping the jolly elf. They just want its events to use the proper British name of Father Christmas instead.

The Evening Standard said someone at the Trust accidentally emailed internal guidance on the matter to several members of the press.

“Can you change ‘Santa’ to ’Father Christmas?‘” the email said. “I know you’ve used ‘FC’ later on, but National Trust guidance is never to use Santa.”

Some U.K. media outlets called it a “Santa ban,” but the organization said that’s not the case at all.

“Contrary to any speculation, the National Trust is not looking to ban Santa, Saint Nick or Santa Claus,” The Telegraph quoted a spokesperson as saying. “We recognize the gift-giving, jolly man with the beard goes by many names all over the world, but we try to stick to one, and for many years that has been Father Christmas.”

Along with being more British, Father Christmas is also more in tune with the upper-class nature of the Trust’s properties.

Etiquette expert William Hanson told the Telegraph that it’s “lower class to call him Santa.”

Hanson added: “If you’re British or have Anglo-Saxon aspirations, then it’s Father Christmas and never Santa or Santa Claus.”

He said he was “buoyed” to see the Trust “speaking out and correcting this irritating and increasing Americanization of Christmas.”

While Santa is an Americanization, the origin of the name is actually from the Dutch term, Sinterklaas.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Along with John Smith, and Bob Johnson, the name of Santa Claus is as American as plum pudding.”

 

McDonald’s to raze Chicago-area museum of 1st restaurant
Nov 21, 2017

OAK BROOK, Ill. (AP) — McDonald’s Corp. has announced it will demolish a suburban Chicago museum that’s a replica of the hamburger chain’s first restaurant.

Ray Kroc built his first restaurant in 1955 in Des Plaines, after franchising the brand from the original owners, Richard and Maurice McDonald.

The Chicago Tribune reports the store was torn down in 1984. McDonald’s Store No. 1 Museum opened the next year, with the original restaurant’s sign out front.

In a statement, McDonald’s says tourist numbers have declined due to repeated flooding of the site since 2008.

The company says the museum will be razed next month and the land donated to Des Plaines.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Rumor has it that McBurglar tunneled into the museum to try and get his hands on a horde of McFish sandwiches when the pipe literally burst.”

 

This idyllic Swiss village wants to pay you more than £50,000 to move there
Annabel Fenwick Elliott,The Telegraph Tue, Nov 21 2017

If it’s ever been a distant dream of yours to wind up in a tiny and beautiful mountain village, consider this.

The Swiss town of Albinen, located in the scenic canton of Valais, wants to pay people 25,000 Swiss francs (£18,900) each to move there.

The council will soon be voting on the new initiative, which aims to repopulate a community that has dwindled to just 240 residents, reports The Local.

Under the scheme, each new adult resident will be paid the fee, with an additional 10,000 Swiss francs (£7,600) per child. For a family of four, that’s more than £53,000.

Most of the previous residents who have left the village have been families with children, according to Swiss news agency ATS, with the last three departures leading to the closure of Albinen’s school. It should be noted, however, that this was never exactly a thriving neighbourhood. Its highest ever number of inhabitants on record was 380, back in 1900.

WOEFULTOURIST says, “Wow, most places pay him to leave.”

 

 

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Apolitical Correctness

 

 

For most people, being late to the table means doing without all of that good, highly fatty, very tasty, artery clogging edibles.

But for WOEFULTOURIST missing the boat is not something to cry about (like spilt 2% cream) rather, it is a lifestyle to embrace.

When phones went cellular, WOEFULTOURIST staid with rotary.

Partly because he wanted to see if it was some odd trend that seemingly ends before it begins. 

Because he only invests in quacks and quirks.

Partly because he’s a “q” kind of guy.

Mainly because that’s the name of the investment firm he uses.

Similarly, when the world went hog wild over the health benefits of red whine, WOEFULTOURIST didn’t bite (which is kind of hard to do with wine – red, or otherwise).

Nor did he rush out to the liquor store and cause the manager a heart attack by showing up to the counter with a box of red, instead of a case of PBR.

Nope, he simply raised his glass of beer, knowing in his heart and gut that the liquid bread in his glass was as good as gold (in health-speak terms) even if it wasn’t red.

So when the political correctness train was loading, WOEFULTOURIST was nowhere to be found.

Heck, he wasn’t even in the station.

After all, he never has and never will stand down from what he truly believes in (when he can remember what that actually is) as opposed to simply repeating some mindless rhetoric he saw on a television commercial.

Nope, WOEFULTOURIST has always called a “ho” a hoe.

And if it rubs people the wrong way to hear prostitutes compared to garden implements, well so be it.

He will not stand down.

Nor will he sit up since actual physical exercise is not one of his ten commandments.

Unfortunately, he usually finds himself alone voice in the concrete jungle wilderness, since his apolitical correctness is in total contrast with most of the population.

Because it no longer limits itself to political elements.

Instead, like some evil weed which isn’t content to merely overrun the nearby surroundings, political correctness has invaded every element of our culture.

It has reached the point where Food Network shows are refusing to show their chefs separating the egg yolks from the whites as some group in Upper Slobovia views it as a racially charged event requiring calling in the national guard and dressing up nicely for the tv cameras and making sure the powers that be spell their names right.

Heck, the other day, WOEFULTOURIST went to his local Lowe’s hardware store only to see that political correctness has spread into the world of Christmas trees.

Yup, Christmas trees.

To his chagrin (right next to the cute dimple) Lowe’s has posted a sign explaining that all of their trees are “farm grown”.

Well, WOEFULTOURIST almost had to be tied down, he was so incensed.

FARM GROWN TREES!!

Isnt’ that discrimination?

What about all of those trees grown on highly polluted, Super-Fund sites?

Why are they being excluded?

What about those trees illegally harvested from local, state and county parks?

Shouldn’t they have the opportunity to make some small children living foot to mouth in a trailer park, happy this holiday season?

What about those trees raised in a totally artificial environment where they don’t have to worry about anything since their surrogate parents do everything for them, making them grow up tall and weak, dependent on a society to give them everything they want while they offer nothing in return?

What about their needs?

Wants.

Desires.

After all, trees are people, two.

WOEFULTOURIST nose, since he has been in the woods (once) that when you cut a tree, it does indeed make a sound.

So this holiday season, let’s just hug a tree – whatever its’ roots, sing “Kum-ba-yah” and drink a toast to apolitical correctness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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