WOEFULTOURIST had his 3 coins in hand as he walked down the meandering alley towards the Trevi Fountain ready to make his wishes.
He had heard glowing reports of the place.
He had read wonderful reviews.
Still he had to see it for himself to determine if it was actually as good as the hype.
And by golly, it was.
The fountain itself was a masterpiece. An amazing sculpture in marble that ran the full length of a city block in width, and half a block in length.
But the location was another story, altogether.
WOEFULTOURIST tries not to be too hypocritical, but sometimes he just can’t help it.
The fact is, for WOEFULTOURIST, the Trevi Fountain would have more enjoyable if there weren’t so many other tourists there spoiling the view.
Want to get close to the water in order to drop in a coin and make a wish?
Take a number, because the place is mobbed all of the time.
And not just with lovers, romantics and other fools.
There were plenty of unsavory looking types who seemed more interested in the coins you threw into the fountain, than the wishes you had attached to them.
But the real problem, as in all real estate, is location, location, location.
For all of its grandeur, the Trevi Fountain is like trying to put ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound sack.
Or a weight challenged woman shoo-horning herself into a pair of screaming, spandex pants.
WOEFULTOURIST is sad to report that as beautiful as the fountain itself is, it simply is in the wrong location to do it justice.
The scale is all wrong.
Like when you take your three foot tall Godzilla monster and attack legions of two inch tall soldiers.
Yeah the destruction is fun, but the proportions don’t make any sense.
The fact of the matter is that the Trevi Fountain doesn’t fit into the neighborhood that it’s in.
It’s too darned big for its own good.
So WOEFULTOURIST is presenting a petition to the Senators of Rome. Therein he proposes that in order to do justice to the absolute brilliance of the Trevi Fountain, that they move it from its present site to a larger more open plaza where it won’t overwhelm the space and there’s more room for souvenir stalls to make a mint selling Trevi Fountain chatchkis of all types.
Sure, there are probably purists out there who say that the Fountain’s faults are part of its fabulousness.
Well WOEFULTOURIST knows that only people who enjoy sitting in the front row of movie theatres and craning their heads skyward, can possibly enjoy the Trevi Fountain where it currently is.
And when they do move it to larger grounds, WOEFULTOURIST hopes that they don’t tell the other tourists where it is so that he can enjoy an unabated view of the fountain, without all the riffraff getting in the way.